My poem (:

Yesterday
I failed
defeated
I quit


Today
refreshed
renewed
recommit

This poem came to me today in the shower. Thanks warm little drops of water for inspiring me!

K, the bad news is I'm up 6 pounds after this weekend. The good news is my doctor's office called me today and said my A1c is at 6.8! I think last time I had it checked I was at a high 9 or a low 10. The goal for a diabetic is 7 or less so I made my goal! They also said my cholesterol looked fine. So I can stop taking all my meds! At my worst I was taking a shot each morning and night of novolog slow acting insulin, a shot before every meal of novolog fast acting insulin, 2 metformin for diabetes, a pill for my blood pressure and a pill for cholesterol. It was like a freakin meal of pills and my stomach looked like a purple polka dot easter egg from all the shots. She called me when I was at the gym and I just about started crying. I was so happy!

I took this week off so Mike and I are going to hit the gym hard. I'm so happy and so excited and so glad that Mike is going with me now.

I want to let everyone know that has been following this and supporting me that I COULD NOT have done this without all the support I'm getting. In the past I've always kept my dieting and goals a secret because it's a little embarassing for me and I feel like people are judging me. But this has made such a difference and I'm so grateful for my friends and family. Everyone should take some ownership in my accomplishments because without you I would have quit about 4 weeks ago. It's on marshmallow! I want to be what Camille said, a golden oreo, still sweet on the inside but tough on the outside!

I'm really getting tired of being hungry all the time. I eat my little healthy this and that all day long but I am only ever full for an hour. Then I'm hungry again. I try to trick my belly with water but she's starting to wise up I think. This morning I went to McDonald's. I thought if I could just be full then I could get through the rest of the day on the healthy stuff. Salad for lunch, maybe egg beaters or oatmeal or yogurt for dinner. So..... yeah, I just added up the calories. McSkillet Burrito 610, hash brown 150, oj 140. That's the equivalent of almost all my calories yesterday! So for lunch I'm going to Carls Jr with my friend Ashley. I'm going to have the Craisin Apple Walnut Salad. (SO GOOD!) I looked up the calories for that. Only 300! Not bad til you read the fine print..... dressing not included. Raspberry Vinaigrette or however you spell that 160 calories. So, I'll go to the gym tonight and try to keep it to just a fiber shake or a full bar. A full bar is like a granola bar that my mom gave me. You eat it and then drink a lot of water and it fills you up. It's 140 calories. Anyway enough of the blah blah blah. I'm so full right now it almost hurts, which just goes to show you that I am never happy or satisfied. I always have something to complain about! ;)

I haven't posted in a few days because I'm even getting tired of hearing myself go on and on about how hard this is when really it's not that hard. The hard part is the self deprecation because so often I find myself going back to my old ways. Such as, if I'm alone and no one sees me eat this it doesn't count! Or the other day I got a bag of plain m&m's. I don't even really like them but I thought, I've been dying for chocolate and if I get some I don't really like it will be easy for me to stop. I looked at the serving size and calories on the back of the bag and thought I could get away with it because I had enough room left to add a few more calories that day. I laid on my bed and counted out the serving size. The colors of new m&m's are so pretty, so bright. I like making little faces and traffic lights with them while they are waiting their turn to be devoured. I was lining them up two by two when I noticed I didn't have any yellow ones to complete my pattern. So I dumped out the bag til I found enough yellow ones to continue the pattern. After I dumped out the bag there were a few that didn't fit the pattern so I ate them. Then I started eating my beautifully lined up m&m's two by two. Seriously, after the first 5 they're not even that good. But they were all laid out so pretty so I ate them. All of them. The whole bag. Sometimes I think I'm hopeless.

Anyway......I'm not going to reach my goal of 210 by Valentines Day. I've set a new goal to weigh 205 by St Patricks Day. I only have to lose 4 pounds a week and once again I really think I can reach this one. No really, I really do....

I won! I won! I won! Well, not the golds gym contest (yet) but the Macey's grocery store biggest loser contest. It was a 4 week,January, contest and I only signed up when there were 2 weeks left so everyone else had a 2 week advantage over me but I thought what the heck... Lucky for me that was the 2 weeks that I lost 9 pounds! After a tough, disappointing and frustrating week I feel rejuvenated and back in the fight!

Gained 5 pounds back. I'm still going to the gym everyday.

On a happier note, when I weighed and measured in on Saturday I had lost 5 inches from my waist!