March Madness

I have been so grouchy lately. Ask anyone! Everybody bugs me from the people closest to me to the chick with the german accent on the walmart intercom. I feel like everything is getting worse and worse. I don't even like hanging out with me because I bug myself! I am desperately searching for an attitude change. I'll never forget the time I was at Primary Children's hospital waiting for Kasara to finish with her babysitting class. I was in the bathroom and I overheard a conversation between two moms about their kids. The moms knew each other because both of their kids were cancer patients there. They greeted each other and asked how things were and the one mom started talking about how lucky and grateful she was that it turned out that her child had one kind of cancer instead of another. What a thing to be grateful for. It's so easy to forget my blessings and as I start to think about it I might even say I have more blessings than bad things. Even though the bad things can feel suffocating sometimes. I'm not a very selfless person but I do remember times when I helped other people and it made me forget my problems for a while. So here's my plan...I'm going to try to do a random act of kindness as often as I can and blog about it. Not to brag but for the selfish fact it will hopefully make me less grouchy! I printed off a list off of the internet (because I'm so grouchy I can't even come up with my own stuff!) The list is broken up into 4 categories; for people you know, for those unknown, for our world and for yourself. There are 13 ideas in each category and as you do each one the next one gets harder. The first suggestion is leave a snack for an unsuspecting co-worker or friend. Right now I'm thinking I will make a loaf of bread and give it to my friend Camille. I'm not completely committed to that yet, I'm still thinking about it. I'll let you know what I decide!

:(

I'm so sick of this. I don't want to do it anymore.

Confused

I just finished reading an article in the Readers Digest that said you can eat bacon and egg yolks and any fatty protein you want, it doesn't even matter JUST STAY AWAY FROM CARBS! Then I came to work and opened up the internet and up popped an article about how good carbs are for you JUST STAY AWAY FROM FAT! I have 2 hard cover weight loss books on my bookshelf, one paper back, probably 10 prevention magazines. They say my weight problem is due to inner turmoil, genetics and the media. I read that exercising can make you fat because you get hungrier. Oh yeah, I have another book that says eat til you're full then stop. Hmmmm, I usually don't realize I'm full til I'm into my third bowl of taco salad! I've tried using smaller plates to force smaller portions. Some days I'm just so confused! I do know one thing though, I had a coupon to try the McDonalds oatmeal and it was yummy!

When calories shouldn't count...

I can't remember if I've already written about this, but this is what is on my mind right now. Times when calories shouldn't count; liquids, liquids should not affect your diet, liquids should be beneficial. I'm counting frappucinos and soft serve ice cream...

When you're eating alone; the other day Mike stole Amanda's candy bar and I went to bed before him and had a row of chocolate before he came up. That happy moment of self indulgence shouldn't count against me. Nobody saw!

Gummy bears...They're fruit! They should be good for you. Cinnamon bears/santas...Cinnamon is supposed to boost your metabolism so they should be good for you....sigh

I wonder if brussel sprouts were not allowed if I would crave them and if I could have all the chocolate I wanted I would hate it?

Mom, you asked me the other day which is harder, dieting or exercising. Definately dieting. I love exercising now. I love feeling myself become stronger. I hate counting calories, I hate trying to understand it all when every time I turn around the rules change. I'm not on a diet as much as making changes that I can live with. I know, I know, we've heard it a million times and the frustrating part is that the weight comes off a lot slower but my intent is for it to stay off.

Inspiration for mom ;)

I wasn't going to blog today because I didn't go to the gym yesterday and I ate like a pig. But there are a couple of things I want to put out there. I was reading an article the other day about people that blog and how it helps them lose weight. At the end of each persons story they would say what their greatest tip is. One guy said, "Don't let a failure ruin your day, week, month. If you get a hole in one tire are you going to slash the other three?" That made a lot of sense to me. It illustrated how self destructive those inner voices can be. Another person said, "Weight loss must be about self love not self loathing." That was like a slap in the face. If I loved myself would I be so preoccupied with a scale and a size. If I loved myself wouldn't I be more concerned about putting the best things in this body that I love? If I loved me would I tear myself apart because I had a piece of cake? I look in the mirror with disgust but I need to see the body that has had 3 kids. The body that moves me painlessly throughout my life. My healthy body has treated me well, I have been blessed.

warning

I want to start blogging about dieting again so I'm putting up this warning that it will be mostly for me. It helps me think about things when I blog. I'm excited to start again but I'm worried that most of the content will be boring or whiny or blah, blah, blah. So I'm warning you now so if you see I blogged you will know it's nothing fabulous just my ramblings. The support of my friends made a huge difference and gave me a lot of strength last year. I'm so greatful for my friends and family!

Networking...

I'm thinking about Facebook today. I just read Kasara's blog and I loved it! So I thought, I need to get on facebook and tell her how much I love her blog and her Christmas card and how pretty and fabulous I think she is. The reason I wanted to tell her on facebook is so....I'm not sure. I could text her but then no one would know how proud I am of her. Maybe that's why, I want to post it out there so everyone will know I'm proud.

I like the Facebook because I love seeing what my family and friends are up to. It's fun to post a comment on a wall to a person that I normally wouldn't talk to and it keeps us in touch. Here's my dilemma. Do people really care that Christmas decorating makes me itchy? Is it so important that I'm craving cinnamon santas that I need to tell friends that I haven't seen in over 20 years? Just a few nights ago I was standing in the bathroom arguing with my kids because I wanted them to pose for my new profile picture. I'm not even kidding! When they left I snapped a few pictures of myself. Big nose...delete, weird face...delete, too goofy...delete! The pressure!!!