Networking...

I'm thinking about Facebook today. I just read Kasara's blog and I loved it! So I thought, I need to get on facebook and tell her how much I love her blog and her Christmas card and how pretty and fabulous I think she is. The reason I wanted to tell her on facebook is so....I'm not sure. I could text her but then no one would know how proud I am of her. Maybe that's why, I want to post it out there so everyone will know I'm proud.

I like the Facebook because I love seeing what my family and friends are up to. It's fun to post a comment on a wall to a person that I normally wouldn't talk to and it keeps us in touch. Here's my dilemma. Do people really care that Christmas decorating makes me itchy? Is it so important that I'm craving cinnamon santas that I need to tell friends that I haven't seen in over 20 years? Just a few nights ago I was standing in the bathroom arguing with my kids because I wanted them to pose for my new profile picture. I'm not even kidding! When they left I snapped a few pictures of myself. Big nose...delete, weird face...delete, too goofy...delete! The pressure!!!

:)

I haven't blogged about dieting for a long time. I got tired of listening to myself whine. But I really feel like this is my best outlet and if you don't want to read it just tolerate this blog. Today is Thursday, my favorite show is on tonight and my fav rapper is getting out of prison! My brother called me today just because he cares about me. Yesterday Mike made me dinner and dessert. The house payment went through, which at first was a bummer cause it means I'm broke now but then I realised oh yeah I get to keep the house Yay! I love my friends that have come to mean so much to me and my family that are such a support to me. The weather is fabulous right now. I just want to hold on to all these things so tight because I know such happiness can only be followed by opposition. Does my fear of opposition invite opposition? Do I search for things to worry about at such a peaceful time for me?

Anyway about the diet. I hate to say it but I gained 18 stinkin pounds back. It's ok though. I found the diet my trainer (Rayya) made for me at the first of the year when I was doing so well. I'm going to stick to that til I'm back on track. Mike is doing so good on his diet I told him the other day I feel like I am the devil on his shoulder always trying to bring him down. I had a bad day Monday and begged him to take me to Charritos for taquitos. After we ate I felt so bad I cried because I'm the only reason he ate there. Those taquitos were DELICIOUS, but the taste did not make up for the guilt I felt after. Today my medical assistant brought eclairs and my receptionist brought cheesecake pumpkin pie. The Brittany Spears song keeps running through my mind. "Iam stronger than yesterday..." and I really am. It helps that I have a little vision of Mandy singing and dancing to that song in my head. I wish I could program that song for every time I open the fridge door!

Fun facts by Lore

Black bean brownies do not taste as good as regular brownies. ~ No matter how expensive the make up is you're not going to look like the girl on the package. ~ 24 hour zit cream doesn't work. ~ I wear a size 3 in Lane Bryant jeans but not in Walmart jeans ~ If you don't want your kids to listen to rap music learn all the words and sing along ~ You are the only one who can decide your mood and your response ~ Sometimes it feels good to get mad ~ The right pen can make your handwriting pretty ~ Friends are important ~ Fiber is important ~ The Black Eyed Peas are the best work out music ~ Hot chocolate can be as good and possibly better than coffee ~ Getting old really happens ~ The love for your newborn baby never goes away ~ That's it for now but I welcome you to share any fun facts you have with me!

I love technology!

So, I was just texting Kasara about Auzzie. At the same time we were writing on my facebook wall about the weather in Arizona. At the same time we were instant messaging about something else. I love technology! In the last hour Mike has called me from the road, Amanda has texted me, Macayla has texted me. On facebook I've reconnected with friends from way way back in my past. I can lock my car from the window of the breakroom. I text my kids to come downstairs when dinner is ready.

This next part is going to make me sound really old. I remember when you had to take your pointer finger and push down the little silver thing to lock the car door. If I wanted to talk to someone in my family I had to wait til the next time I saw them. I remember if I wanted to talk to my boyfriend I had to wait for Rob to get off the phone or vice versa. I think Rob might even still have a scar from...waiting for his turn. When I first got married I think I talked to my mom once a month. She lived long distance away so it cost money to talk to her. Sometimes we would write letters to each other. Now if I'm thinking of her I can just send her a quick little note. I love that but on the other hand I wonder if it's making me impatient. Sometimes someone will say something and I will really laugh out loud but I debate whether or not I should tell them I did or if I should get more descriptive and say I'm rolling on the floor laughing my butt off when really...I'm not. And I want people to know I appreciate their texts so I'm starting to text the words "laughing out loud" or "laughing through my nose quietly" so they will know how sincere I am. Oh yeah back to the point, impatient, see I can't even concentrate long enough to make my point. Sometimes I'll see something that will make me think of someone but I don't really want to take the time to stop and talk to them so I'll send a picture of it or just a quick text. Like one time I sent Kasara a picture of half a sandwich and just said "missing you" she knows what that means. Well this blog is rambling on and on and I'm starting to get impatient with it.

Spinning

So I've been going to this cycling class and I really like it. It's true what they say, it takes about 3 weeks for your bum to stop hurting but it eventually does! I really try hard to give my all in that class and I try to believe when the instructor describes the hill we're going up or when he describes the person in front of us that we're trying to pass. But when he starts describing the cool breeze coming up from behind us I start to wonder what realm he has transferred into because no matter how cold that room is in the beginning, within 10 minutes it is HOT! and there is definately no cool breeze!

When I'm at the gym I really like to listen to music that gets me moving. The Black Eyed Peas is my favorite right now. Well, this instructor plays music I'm not familiar with so that's kind of a bummer but yesterday when Def Leppard came on...Oh My Gosh! For a moment I was back in Texas riding my bike to my babysitting job I could actually feel the breeze! At the end of the hour he switched the music to "cool down" music. Meatloaf comes on the speakers, 'I would do anything for love...". Mmmmmm Meatloaf! Meatloaf and catsup...mashed potatoes and butter... meat loaf sandwiches. Really? You need to play Meatloaf in a spin class? That's just rude! So I tried to concentrate on the words and not the food. " I would do anything for love....but I won't do that!" He won't do what??? Eat brussel sprouts? I'm totally with him on that one. He won't pick up his socks? Typical man Meatloaf!

At least he didn't play Emminem. Have you had those pretzel m&m's? So good...

I love taking pictures with my phone! Especially weird or quirky stuff or anything I think might make my kids laugh. Yesterday I was sitting in the kitchen while my sweet heart (Mike!) was cooking dinner. I was playing with my phone and taking dumb pictures like always when I started thinking about how things look different in a picture. Like I can be sitting here thinking all is good in the world and take a picture and look at the scene behind me and think, "Holy crap! Someone really needs to clean this house!" Or how can I look totally cute in one pose and totally hideous in the next? Or how can the moon look so huge but you can barely see it when I try to capture it. This is what I was thinking about as I was falling asleep last night. Sometimes pictures say more or less than you intend to. I took that first picture, the door knob one as part of a game that I play with my family called Guess who. We take pictures and you have to guess who it is. It might be a foot or an ear, in this case it was me in a door knob. The second picture is the grand canyon. The picture looks absolutely nothing like what I saw from the airplane. The third picture is Kasara and Amanda getting creative with camera options. The fourth picture is Stella, she's getting her tummy rubbed. She sure loves that! The last picture is Amanda sitting in the shopping cart at WalMart playing with a magnifying glass. Happy Friday everybody!

So I guess all I needed to do to update my blog was make a little trip to Arizona. This stuff is soooo out of my skill level! Thank goodness I have a super crafty and smart daughter to take care of me. I am having so much fun in Arizona. I was so stressed out before and I felt like I was losing my mind and I'm pretty sure if you asked anyone close to me they would confirm that. I feel bad because I know this is the worst timing ever with school starting right around the corner but I had to do it and I've promised everyone when I get home I'll be a kinder gentler Lore. So since I've been here I have had the opportunity to go to work with Kasara. She is a nanny here. Oh my gosh that baby is so cute! Kasara also took me to the Casa Grande Ruins. That was fun too. Imagining what it must have been like for those indians. It really made me appreciate the luxuries I enjoy. Today Kasara and I took care of some business this morning but we spent a few hours in the pool and I keep telling her this is going to be my favorite memory. We really had a good time. I know what you're wondering right now...How hot is it here?! Well, it got to 105 today. I don't really know what it got to but that's what the sign on the bank said. I wanted Kasara to take a picture of me in front of the sign but I guess she didn't think it would be a good idea for me to climb up in the back of someones truck that was parked in front of it. I would feel bad if I left Mat out so I want to give him a special thank you for being so awesome and cleaning out the litter box and making us dinner and putting up with me this week. You are like the son I never had! Thank you for a wonderful, wonderful vacation!

Last night I tried the cycling class. I never really wanted to take that class but my friend Sara wanted to try it. She tried Zumba and Step for me so I thought it was the least I could do. I thought it would be lame because whenever I do the bikes at the gym I get so bored and I don't feel like they serve any purpose other than maybe a cool down after something more strenuous. So anyway the class was an hour long and super hard. I was impressed. I kinda felt like a big fat loser because I couldn't keep up. It was really hard. But I liked it and would like to try it again when my bum stops hurting! This is the sorest morning after I've had in a long time.

Retaining water....grouchy....craving nachos....gained 2 pounds. Don't worry though I'm not falling apart. I had a moment of Snickerdoodle weakness yesterday but for a weekend I did really good. I'm tired of hearing about my diet though so I'll talk about something that I love and that is SUMMER TIME!!!!! I don't care if my A/C is broke and we're all asleep in the living room because we're so lethargic from the heat, I will never complain. I love it, love it, love it! I love getting into my car after freezing in my office all day and my car is SOOOO toasty warm. I love that the sun is up til 9 at night. I love that my kitchen floor isn't always muddy from snow. I love when I get color on my face and I don't have to wear makeup! I love summer! I love swimming and peanut butter sandwiches. I love sitting in the driveway with my family in the evening. I know that sounds trashy but hey I love it so whatever! Yay summer!!!!!

Lost 2 pounds! I'm going to the gym morning and night til I break 200.

So sick of the ups and downs. :( Damn gummy bears!

I didn't win. Apparently they pick the winner by their picture and then they consider the stats. I lost 13 more pounds and 4 more inches than the winner but she must have had a great picture! It's ok though. I just want to thank everyone for being so supportive through all this. It means a lot to me.

I'm so excited, I can't sit still! How am I going to get any work done today?

The announcement of the finalists is tomorrow at 11. I'm sooooooo excited. It's going to be on Fox 13. Everyone cross your fingers for me!!!!!!!!!

Since the end of the competition I have lost all my motivation and gained 11 pounds. I just signed up for a new competition on weightlosswars.com. I'm starting to feel the motivation creep back in. Who knew I was so competitive?

So I guess even though you went to the gym and you're working your butt off in the yard it's not ok to eat 3 cookies and an infinite amount of twizzlers and soda. :(

I don't really have anything new or exciting to report. I just thought I better keep up on my journaling. I went on a really hard core diet the last few weeks of the contest and lost a lot of weight really fast. Then I had a breakdown after the contest, had no motivation and gained 14 pounds in one week. I've been extremely frustrated but my good friend pointed out that since I didn't lose that 11 pounds in a healthy way they don't really count as lost. So really if you forget about the 11 pounds lost and the 14 pounds gained I only really gained 3 pounds right? Well I've already lost that 3 pounds and I'm working on losing the rest the healthy way.

I was going to ease up on the gym and the diet and I sure did! But I've decided that's not going to work for me. I have to keep it up. I will continue working hard so when I go to Las Vegas to get my prize I will look fabulous!

I'm out of control. I have no motivation. Why do I self destruct?

The contest is finally over for me. I was starting to think this day would never come! Especially Sunday, I was so nervous I could barely eat anything and then Monday I refused to eat or drink anything until after the weigh in. The weigh in was at 1:00 so I was STARVING!!!! My final weigh in total was 43 pounds lost. I have lost 9 inches on my waist. When the guy weighed me he said Oh! Wow! but not just wow, a 3 syllable wow. So that made me feel pretty good. They said we should have the results by May 1st.

My mom gave Mike a gift certificate to Golden Corral for his birthday in January, but we could never use it until now. So we went there. I got all the food I've been dreaming of! I was just starting my second plate when the cramps started. Oh My Gosh! Indulgence has never hurt so bad! Then we had taco salad for dinner. I've been planning on taco salad and I was so excited. I couldn't even finish one bowl. I also got chocotacos. After the taco salad I fell asleep on the couch. Macayla woke me up to see if I wanted a choco taco. I knew I was going back on the diet the next day (today), so I had her get me one and I ate it laying on the couch half asleep. It was DELICIOUS!

So now I want to try to lose 2 pounds a week. I'm moving the scale down to the basement so I won't be tempted to weigh in every time I pass it. I think that will help a little with the weekly ups and downs. Who knows? We'll try it. I'll weigh in every Friday morning. I figured if I lose 2 pounds a week I should be to my goal by November 5th.

I couldn't have done this without all the support from my friends and family. I love you.

62 pounds lost, 62 pounds to go! Weigh in tomorrow.....

The last few days of the contest are here and I feel completely self absorbed. Everything revolves around the contest. We're not having Easter dinner on Sunday because of the contest. I talked to the fam about it before I decided. They didn't seem to care, but still it bothers me. I hate being like this. Everything is second to diet and working out.

Yay yay yay! I did it! I got to my drivers license weight. Now I need to get a new drivers license with a new fake weight on it! So now I weigh 210. This is what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant with Macayla. Sad huh? It's ok. I've lost all the extra junk now it's time to start losing the baby weight! I'm pretty happy right now!

I'm so discouraged right now. I'm following the mayo diet perfectly. I never cheat and I haven't lost any weight. I'm so hungry all the time. I liked it better when I was eating every 3 hours! If something doesn't happen real soon I'm going back to the old plan.

I've started riding my bike to the gym. Suddenly I have bruises all up and down my legs. Coincidence? I don't know. The gym is 3 miles away and half and half up hill and down hill. I like it but it takes some getting used to. My chain fell off twice and I had to revert to my childhood and remember how to fix it. (It's been a while!) I think the chain came off because I have a hard time shifting and going down hill and braking all at the same time. I'm working on that! I was nervous to start riding my bike again, partly because my kids and I have given names to the locals that ride their bikes all the time. You know who I'm talking about Kasara! Dave....all 3 of them. I didn't want to fall into that category of the weirdo bike riding lady but I got on the bike and did it and survived. I'm beginning to worry less and less about what people think of me. Or am I just getting old and quirky? Either way who cares right? Oh my gosh and to top it off I bought this little thingy that you put on your bike to hold all my stuff...well, I couldn't figure out how to attach it so I have to wear a ......blushing.......fanny pack!!!!! Weirdo fanny pack wearing bike riding lady?????? Wait til I get my bell! Watch out Tooele!

I only have a few weeks left of the contest. I'm going on the Mayo Clinic Diet. I know it's one of those crazy fad diets but maybe it will be enough to get me where I want to be for now. I think after the contest is over my goal will be to lose 2 pounds a week. I think that's pretty realistic and I feel like I can do it. This contest has been a huge motivator for me and I think the results that I'm feeling will motivate me further after the contest is over. Go Marshmallow!!!

Whew! I survived yesterday and I'm doing better today. I'm back in control!

Sooooo tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad passing away and I'm not handling it as well as I hoped I would. I think people that say that you can prepare for hard times and control your diet are full of crap! I'm trying to get through today and this week the best I can and I'm supposed to deal with being hungry on top of everything else??? I've been to all the diet/diabetes classes, I've read all the books but, how do people in the real world get through this? I know I'm not the only one in the world that has been through a tough time so if you've got any advice for me I can really use it right now.

It's looking like I'm not going to reach my goal of 205 by 3/17. I'm starting to wonder if I set my goals a little too high. Is 195 by April 5th unreasonable? It would be so awesome to weigh less than 200 at the end of the contest. So that gives me 19 days to lost 20 pounds.....not likely.

Guess who has two thumbs and lost 25 pounds!!! Six more pounds til I weigh what my drivers license says I do!

I've started doing push ups at the gym. Sooooo embarrassing! I suck at push ups I've hated them since 1972. But it's something I want to conquer so I just throw on my cloak of invisibility and go at it! Thank goodness I have the cloak to protect me from the glaring eyes of all the haters. Little do they know that I may be weak now but I get stronger and stronger every day. One of these days I am going to be that girl that does push ups in perfect form. Others will be looking at me jealous because I do it with such ease and I'm so lucky to be so fit! Ha!

K, It's getting to the point where I'm going to have to start saying bad words! Why does the scale mock me and laugh at me? Ya know how I was all gung ho, going to the gym twice a day blah, blah, blah. So my friend at the gym told me that doing weights that much without taking a break in between isn't doing me any good because I'm not giving them time to repair. So I guess all that effort was wasted because I was doing it wrong! Ok.... breathe......holding back the swearing.....

Today at lunch I was walking around WalMart trying to decide what to get Mike for lunch. I had lunch at 11 because I didn't want to go to the store hungry. I went to the deli and could smell the chicken. I know the chicken isn't that good but it smelled wonderful. I went to the bakery to get him a snack. Snickerdoodles! I can't remember the last time I've had a snickerdoodle. I went up and down the frozen food aisle. French fries, sausage, quesadillas, mozarella sticks.... I started panicking thinking how not fair it is that I can't have what I want. I thought about calling someone for support but I was kinda having a little melt down and I didn't want to start crying on the phone because I want something fried and covered in cheese! Still, as I was going through the list of people that support me I actually felt the hunger leave me and my determination came back. It amazes me how much having people close to me makes a difference. I spent the majority of my life thinking that I am a rock and I can deal with anything by myself.

As I was driving away from WalMart I started thinking about how I always thought a hot, juicy bacon cheese burger brought me happiness or how a new lip gloss made me feel pretty. I am realizing that these thoughts are still true to me but I am coming to understand how shallow and disappointing these truths are. The indulgence of the cheese burger leaves me self loathing in the end and the lip gloss wears off. Happiness is having self control. Beauty is being strong, being off my meds and walking tall.

The contest ends April 5th. :/

My poem (:

Yesterday
I failed
defeated
I quit


Today
refreshed
renewed
recommit

This poem came to me today in the shower. Thanks warm little drops of water for inspiring me!

K, the bad news is I'm up 6 pounds after this weekend. The good news is my doctor's office called me today and said my A1c is at 6.8! I think last time I had it checked I was at a high 9 or a low 10. The goal for a diabetic is 7 or less so I made my goal! They also said my cholesterol looked fine. So I can stop taking all my meds! At my worst I was taking a shot each morning and night of novolog slow acting insulin, a shot before every meal of novolog fast acting insulin, 2 metformin for diabetes, a pill for my blood pressure and a pill for cholesterol. It was like a freakin meal of pills and my stomach looked like a purple polka dot easter egg from all the shots. She called me when I was at the gym and I just about started crying. I was so happy!

I took this week off so Mike and I are going to hit the gym hard. I'm so happy and so excited and so glad that Mike is going with me now.

I want to let everyone know that has been following this and supporting me that I COULD NOT have done this without all the support I'm getting. In the past I've always kept my dieting and goals a secret because it's a little embarassing for me and I feel like people are judging me. But this has made such a difference and I'm so grateful for my friends and family. Everyone should take some ownership in my accomplishments because without you I would have quit about 4 weeks ago. It's on marshmallow! I want to be what Camille said, a golden oreo, still sweet on the inside but tough on the outside!

I'm really getting tired of being hungry all the time. I eat my little healthy this and that all day long but I am only ever full for an hour. Then I'm hungry again. I try to trick my belly with water but she's starting to wise up I think. This morning I went to McDonald's. I thought if I could just be full then I could get through the rest of the day on the healthy stuff. Salad for lunch, maybe egg beaters or oatmeal or yogurt for dinner. So..... yeah, I just added up the calories. McSkillet Burrito 610, hash brown 150, oj 140. That's the equivalent of almost all my calories yesterday! So for lunch I'm going to Carls Jr with my friend Ashley. I'm going to have the Craisin Apple Walnut Salad. (SO GOOD!) I looked up the calories for that. Only 300! Not bad til you read the fine print..... dressing not included. Raspberry Vinaigrette or however you spell that 160 calories. So, I'll go to the gym tonight and try to keep it to just a fiber shake or a full bar. A full bar is like a granola bar that my mom gave me. You eat it and then drink a lot of water and it fills you up. It's 140 calories. Anyway enough of the blah blah blah. I'm so full right now it almost hurts, which just goes to show you that I am never happy or satisfied. I always have something to complain about! ;)

I haven't posted in a few days because I'm even getting tired of hearing myself go on and on about how hard this is when really it's not that hard. The hard part is the self deprecation because so often I find myself going back to my old ways. Such as, if I'm alone and no one sees me eat this it doesn't count! Or the other day I got a bag of plain m&m's. I don't even really like them but I thought, I've been dying for chocolate and if I get some I don't really like it will be easy for me to stop. I looked at the serving size and calories on the back of the bag and thought I could get away with it because I had enough room left to add a few more calories that day. I laid on my bed and counted out the serving size. The colors of new m&m's are so pretty, so bright. I like making little faces and traffic lights with them while they are waiting their turn to be devoured. I was lining them up two by two when I noticed I didn't have any yellow ones to complete my pattern. So I dumped out the bag til I found enough yellow ones to continue the pattern. After I dumped out the bag there were a few that didn't fit the pattern so I ate them. Then I started eating my beautifully lined up m&m's two by two. Seriously, after the first 5 they're not even that good. But they were all laid out so pretty so I ate them. All of them. The whole bag. Sometimes I think I'm hopeless.

Anyway......I'm not going to reach my goal of 210 by Valentines Day. I've set a new goal to weigh 205 by St Patricks Day. I only have to lose 4 pounds a week and once again I really think I can reach this one. No really, I really do....

I won! I won! I won! Well, not the golds gym contest (yet) but the Macey's grocery store biggest loser contest. It was a 4 week,January, contest and I only signed up when there were 2 weeks left so everyone else had a 2 week advantage over me but I thought what the heck... Lucky for me that was the 2 weeks that I lost 9 pounds! After a tough, disappointing and frustrating week I feel rejuvenated and back in the fight!

Gained 5 pounds back. I'm still going to the gym everyday.

On a happier note, when I weighed and measured in on Saturday I had lost 5 inches from my waist!

I have 17 days to lose 17 pounds.

I lost a pound but that doesn't give me any satisfaction because I'm still up one pound. I'm starting to think Mike might be right and I should stop weighing myself everyday. The scale is breaking my heart! Maybe if I just weighed in once a week like Mike says I would be more satisfied. I feel like I need to weigh in every morning to guage if I need to step up my efforts but yesterday I only ate 1000 calories and I worked extra hard at the gym and I feel like I should see bigger results. Don't think I'm starving myself either because I'm not. I'm making very careful choices of what I should eat. I wasn't even hungry last night. Ok, I'll admit that I was starving when I got home from work and I was seriously considering getting a chile relleno from Ixtapa but I didn't. I just chugged down that fiber drink and then I was ok. And this morning I was thinking I would take the day off because I won't have time to go to the gym so why not just grab a breakfast burrito too, but I didn't. My brain/stomach is still trying to fight me on this but I'm not giving in.

So let me know what you think, should I have Mike hide the scale and only weigh in once a week or should I continue to guage my efforts according to the scale?

Well, I guess I gained 2 pounds. Weekends are sooooo hard for me. I seriously tried hard this weekend too. I tried to be creative with dinner last night. I had a bowl of 100 calorie popcorn, a string cheese, half a banana, an apple and an orange. I thought that was all healthy stuff but whatever! Oh yeah I ate all that before 7:00 too so again I say, WHATEVER!! I feel great, I'm always having to pull my pants up. I'm not going to let it get me down. On the days I don't lose weight I do 241 steps on the stair climber in addition to the 2 miles I walk/run/hobble. Hopefully it will be the little push I need to keep the scale moving.

By the way, has anyone ever noticed how when you try to eat more healthy you find you have broccoli in your teeth more often?

Yay! I lost 2 more pounds! I'm really believing that I can reach my goal of 210 by Valentines Day!

1/20/10

Week 2 picture 2 A little less gross but I feel good on the inside.

1/13/10

Ok this is painful but for the sake of journaling this is me on January 13, 2010. Gross!

Jan

Yay! I've lost ten pounds! Sure, I've lost ten pounds a million times before but this time is different. Usually I can lose ten pounds in a week with no exercise, just strict, extreme dieting. This time I've been dieting but in a more healthy way I guess and not so extreme. It's also taken me two weeks to lose this ten pounds so I'm hoping that the difference is I've actually lost some weight and not just all water or whatever. Also, all the times I've lost the ten pounds, that's where I've stopped I could never stick to it to lose more than that. So this is like a mile stone for me...

January 20, 2009

Sunday ~ bbq'd chicken, salad, mashed potatoes, corn and a roll ~ went to the gym in the morning ~ gained 3 pounds

Monday ~ 1/2 a navajo taco, 1/2 a piece of birthday cake, pink lemonade ~ no gym ~ no weight gain

Tuesday ~ an orange and a couple bites of cottage cheese ~ did all my weight exercises and walked 3 miles at the gym ~ lost 3 pounds

Wednesday ~ got up at 5am and went to the gym. If you want to fall asleep on the treadmill you're not working hard enough!

I went to the gym today. I think I got sweat to come out of my eyelids.

Lost 2 pounds! Woot woot! How do ya like me now? Ya big dumb scale Booya!!!

Up another pound :( . That's ok I had time to go to the gym this morning and I'm going to carry all 8 of those 40 pound bags of salt down to the basement myself tonight. I was going to wait and let Mat do it! :) but when I was loading them in the back of the Trailblazer I decided that I could definately count that as my second work out. It's time to up the ante and get that damn scale moving the other way. Oh, here is my pearl of wisdom for the day. When you make yourself a fiber drink you need to drink it right away or you'll be chewing it...

SO IRRITATED TODAY! I GAINED A POUND. I TRIED SO HARD YESTERDAY AND I'M SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW! I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY ANGRY. I'm not going to let it discourage me though. Things I cheated on yesterday: I put cheese and bacon bits on my salad, I put cheese on my sandwich, I didn't go to the gym. Things I did awesome at yesterday: I drank 48 oz of water (which is about twice as much as I usually do), no french fries, no soda, I knew it was going to be a late night so I made myself a sandwich at 6 and then didn't eat again the whole rest of the night. So no more cheese for me I guess. I'm not going to let this get me down.

Well, I survived the weekend. Weekends are super hard for me. Amanda and I drove in to Salt Lake on Saturday to get Mikes birthday present and usually on trips like that we stop and get dinner but we took a bag of apple and orange slices instead. I know, gay, but it kept me from stopping for food. And Sunday I had the munchies so bad!!!! I was so worried this morning when I got on the scale but I've lost 4 pounds so far! The reason why I added the picture of my hooker boots is because when I first got them I had to lay on the bed while Mike squeezed the zipper together with one hand and zipped with the other. I couldn't zip them up by myself because they were too tight. I was always so afraid Mike would catch a piece of my chubby leg in the zipper but he never did. I'm happy to say I can zip them up all by myself now. And even though I've only lost 4 pounds I'm in a smaller pants now too. Yay! I hated those damn size 22's they were 2 big but anything else was too small. I'm thinking I'll make purses and backpacks for everyone out of my old jeans. I'll have to get Amanda to find her bedazzler!

It's on!

Finally! I weighed in last night at 246 at Golds Gym. I felt so sexy in my sports bra and shorts, with my glaring white legs. I'm thinking I might get a tan for my "after" picture. For the next 12 weeks I am determined to win this competition. I was definately the chubbiest chick in line but there were some guys there too. That makes me a little nervous but I'm counting on my determination and stubborness to be stronger than theirs.

I went to bed and drank my fiber drink. Yum yum. I think the first time I put in too much water because last night was definately better. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning but I am determined so I put on my shoes and took Stella for a walk. We didn't walk very far. I'll have to measure it out in my car. We just walked for about 20 minutes. In that short amount of time Stella taunted me by running backwards in front of me. I think I heard her laughing at me. She also chewed through her leash and busted it so that was a nice rest for my arm from being pulled by her. She's a good walking buddy!

I ate my oatmeal and eggwhites for breakfast. (well I left one of the yolks in, is that forgiveable?) It was surprisingly good. But right now I'm hungry so I keep drinking water hoping it will keep me full. I panic when I'm hungry...

Oh the reason I titled this "marshmallow" because that's how I've been describing myself for a while. I'm soft and really white and sweet. I haven't thought of what I want to be but I know I don't want to be a marshmallow any more. What is something golden and strong and still sweet but not marshmallow sweet?